(WTNH)–CBS Sports Network is a terrible organization.
They’re failing, they’re really bad, they’re really terrible…..and they’re screwing up their own programming logs. My TV said UConn was playing Temple last night, but I watched that game folks, and that wasn’t UConn. OK?
When I watched UConn earlier this season, they scored like 12 points in the first half against Houston, OK? They lost to Wagner and Northeastern at home, two terrible programs. They made scoring look about as easy as releasing your tax returns.
That team I saw last night was playing with heart, they were playing hard-nosed, really relentless defense. They sprinted up the court, they capitalized on opportunities.
This guy they said was Kentan Facey scored 23 points on 9-of-11 shooting. He ripped down 10 boards, and blocked 2 shots. Believe me, I’ve watched Kentan Facey play many times. Many, many times….and he has never done anything like that on the basketball court, OK?
They had another guy out there that looked like Amida Brimah. He did look exactly like him—-I’ll give them credit for that. Very good casting. He was an absolute beast out there. Scored 13 points and had 6 blocks. Maybe if they wanted to make it a little bit more realistic, they would’ve had him score about 8 points and block 5 shots, OK? That’s what I would’ve done. But that’s just me.
(Sniffling and heavy breathing into microphone)
This kid—they had this kid out there that looked exactly like Vance Jackson. It was like an exact replica of him—- but he put up 10 points on 4-of-7 shooting, including 2-for-3 from three-point range. I mean, come on, folks. We’re supposed to believe that? Where’s his birth certificate? I’m going to need to see that.
It’s so easy to spot fake news.
I mean, seriously. This team that’s supposed to be UConn scored 73 points! And the game didn’t even go into overtime! SAD!
I mean….I don’t know who that was. It could have been Team Russia, it could have been Team China….OK? But it wasn’t Connecticut.
You could get a fat guy sitting on his couch in New Jersey to pretend to be Connecticut and it’d probably look a lot like—
(CIA staffers rush News 8 studio, brief Kels)
OK, you know what folks? There’s a possibility that that team out there actually was UConn last night. I’m supposed to apologize, but I don’t think I will. I still think it might have been Russia—or Team China. They’ve got some tough defenders and—
(Russian intelligence officials inform Kels that the jig is up)
So how about those Huskies, right? They were great last night. 73-59. What an impressive victory. It’s really a victory for all of America—-I mean, for all of the American Athletic Conference.
I’d just love to see Kevin Ollie make UConn great again.
OK, let me tell you something, folks. I knew that it was UConn all along. It’s so easy to mess with you guys.
I mean, I’m like, a smart, person, OK?