Please, no one buy LaVar Ball’s idiotic $495 sneakers

FILE - In this March 4, 2017, file photo, UCLA guard Lonzo Ball, right, shakes hands with his father LaVar following an NCAA college basketball game against Washington State in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill, File)

(WTNH)–Please, no one buy the LaVar Ball “Living Vicariously Through Your Son 1’s.”

That’s what these ‘signature’ shoes just revealed today are. They’re certainly not the “ZO2″s. Or the ‘Zo-anything’s.

Lonzo Ball is cocky, but he’s not outspoken and outlandish like his dad. He’s actually pretty quiet.

I’m guessing that if it were up to him, he probably would have signed a shoe deal with Nike or Under Armour or Adidas, instead of going with the late ’90s-early 2000’s-esque “Big Baller Brand,” with its dumb 3-B logo.

Even if Lonzo publicly says differently, I’m guessing he’d rather be just another rookie with a multi-million-dollar Nike shoe deal, instead of the rookie with the crazy father who’s just put a ton of unneccessary pressure on his son and incited grizzled opponents to take shots at him like he’s a superstar, because that’s what his dad thinks he is.

Lonzo Ball is going to be targeted in the NBA. He’s going to be bullied. He better be able to handle that. Right now, he can’t even guard De’Aaron Fox.

Lonzo better live up to the hype, because the distance between the pedastal his father has put him on and failure is pretty far.

lonzo ball Please, no one buy LaVar Balls idiotic $495 sneakers
Playing in the NBA is hard enough without having to live up to the outsized expectations placed on you by your dad. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

You might fall from it and still live, but it’s going to hurt pretty bad. It’s going to do some damage.

And just in case you thought LaVar Ball’s decision to place an absurd pricetag on his sneakers was a good idea because of profit margins or free advertising, or because outspokenness, however idiotic, sells, remember this.

There’s literally no reason to buy these sneakers.

Lonzo Ball isn’t an NBA superstar. He isn’t even in the league yet. He may not be the best point guard in this draft class. Again, he can’t even guard De’Aaron Fox.

Your average basketball-playing kid doesn’t know or care who he is. He’s not Steph Curry or Damian Lillard or John Wall.

No one’s going, “Man, I can’t wait for the ZO2’s to come out!”

According to SLAM, Big Baller Brand “is aiming for Lonzo’s signature sneaker to tap into a new market—above the athletic performance kicks from the likes of Nike, Jordan, Adidas and Under Armour, but below the high-end designer shoes of Gucci, Prada or Louis Vuitton.”



That’s a good one.

You can appreciate the fact that LaVar is starting up a business, or that he’s not giving in to the big shoe companies and wants to make it with his own brand. That’s cool. That’s even admirable. But how about doing it by putting out $25 sneakers, ones that kids can actually afford? How about buying a little goodwill with kids, and with the basketball community before you start taking shots at everybody in it?

If LeBron put out $495 sneakers, he’d get crucified, but he might be able to sell a pair or two. Michael Jordan could sell a few of his old-school kicks at that price, though he’d take some heat for that too.

The only person who believes LaVar Ball’s kid’s shoes are worth $495 is LaVar Ball.

I hope it works out for his Lonzo. But at this rate, who knows.

He’s got an awful lot of pressure on him, and an ugly, overpriced shoe won’t help him keep up with De’Aaron Fox. provides commenting to allow for constructive discussion on the stories we cover. In order to comment here, you acknowledge you have read and agreed to our Terms of Service. Commenters who violate these terms, including use of vulgar language or racial slurs, will be banned. Please be respectful of the opinions of others. If you see an inappropriate comment, please flag it for our moderators to review.

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